How your children grow to respect with trust, not fear.
As a child, in retrospect I suppose I was fortunate to experience the cross over generation from the mid 1960’s into the first quarter decade of the 70’s. Even though I was the youngest of three and often expected to be as independent as my 2 elder siblings, my own proclivity was as far away from what was expected as the stars were in the sky.
I was the dreamer. The child with an untapped need to read, to draw, to sing and to be seen as acceptable, not precocious. The term then was “tom boy” and try as I might, I could never quite grasp the branches on trees to truly be worthy of the title. But I always kept trying.
And, my hero was my equally independent older brother eight years my senior. I was always his shadow and as we grew, he would feign indignation that I was always around him, pestering him to play board games, card games, share his ice cream and split the entire box of weekend sugar laden cereal with him. I would get the toy crammed into the bottom of the box if I cajoled long enough. These were my first recollections of respect. Doting, idolizing, mimicking.
The year was 1972 and still the world was marveling on the effects of a day in July just 3 years prior. I recall both dates thanks to the influence they had on my hero, although the one day in July is just slightly out of my full memory range as I was a toddler who had just turned 3, I do remember my brother racing inside the house to watch man set foot on the moon. He was a self-described astrophile who between episodes of Batman and The Munsters would become unapproachable during Star Trek.
Fast forward to 1972 and the same tv screen, in the same living room, his life was changed by the western style journey of a Shaolin monk who used his skills to seek out his destiny and brother. “Kung Fu” altered my brothers life at the age of 14 and further taught me lessons that I carry with me today. Long past are the times when he would offer me a treat with the words “as quickly as you can, snatch the pebble from my hand.” and of course, I was never quick enough to master the game of dexterity but he would eventually let me “win” and proudly call me “Grasshopper”.
It was during those years that he convinced my folks to sign him up for kung fu karate style lessons and I became his own “student”. He would again relent and show no mercy as I begged him to teach me how to punch and kick. I learned how to take a bruise or an open hand block chop until the time when his own body developed past the pre-puberty stages. We began to grow apart as he began his senior high school year and my own interests crossed over into the pop culture of the mid 1970’s.
Trust is not a vulnerable show of weakness
One of the main philosophies and behaviors expected to be shown and practiced just as much if not more than the basics of punching, kicking, and defense fighting/sparring in any style of Martial Arts is respect.
At Len Brassard’s Twin City Family Martial Arts Center, students of all ages and skill levels are expected to act and display the tenet of respect as is handed down through centuries of dynasty code. Respect, while earned, should also be taught as a reciprocal honor for there should be no shame in an adult being assisted by a child either.
Where does the road to respect lead to?
Just as Kwai Chang Caine traveled many roads, respect leads to ultimate achievements of communication, collaboration and cooperation. Building healthy bodies while strengthening personal, peer and professional relationships is one way that Mr. Len and his family of instructors instill positive reinforcement without having to resort to unnecessary behavioral modification tactics.
Role Model Training
Children become so enraptured in learning something they truly enjoy and tend to outwardly become exuberant with anticipation, adrenaline rushes and overall impatience that sometimes they forget about the basics of respect.
The study of Kenpo style karate taught at Family Martial Arts Center includes ways to learn the benefits of respect that kids will inadvertently share them outside the dojo; in school, at home, and in the community in general.
Teenagers who struggle with self-esteem, concentration in school, being victimized or showing signs of aggression or bullying while trying to lure peers in the wrong way, having altercations with parents, teachers and disrespecting public property can overcome these learned traits and turn them around with positive respect and proper leadership examples.
Withe decades of experience and professional training in the study of behavior psychology and character development, Mr. Len has expanded his vision to include and encourage families to partake of his academy. This way, parents can learn how to become better role models as well.
The sky is the limit
Many years have come to pass and while my brother and I have grown far apart in distance, the memories I have from our shared respect as children are still as fresh as if the moon was nestled in a reachable branch of those trees I could never seem to climb. But then again, maybe it is not in my destiny to sit in the upper limbs of the trees…but rather swing from those I can grab a hold of and trust that their age and experience comes from dancing under the stars. From my sky to yours, goodnight brother.